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angewiesenJean's last clear memory was when he'd taken Sasha under one arm, and Connie under the other, as they looked into the distance, knowing that this was their last moment together before they became pure Titans under Ymir's call. He said something like... it was an honor saving the world with them, that he was glad that they got to see this through to the end. Every crazy decision he'd ever made that led him down this path flashed in this mind's eye, all the way back to when he sat before the funeral pyre that Marco's body burned to ashes in, where he first began to steel himself to join the Survey Corps.
Then, for a short while, he was in hell.
Being a Titan was unexplainable. He was in there, in that cursed body. He was aware. He knew that he was Jean. But despite everything, all that mattered was the hunger. It was a desperation so absolute that his will meant nothing in face of it. He had to consume, and consume, and consume, if he ever hoped to free himself from his nightmare. An impossible appetite that could never be sated, that overtook his very soul.
In the grand scheme of things, it was only a glimpse. Just a fleeting terror. Suddenly, he was back. At first, he was still in the nape of the neck of his Titan. But it quickly deteriorated, and he was able to free himself.
It felt like something had been permanently severed. The curse of the Earth Devil that was carried in the body of every Eldian was gone.
Jean stumbled around like the undead. There was cheering at first, but it was short lived. It became clear almost immediately to every last person alive here that they had seen Armageddon and somehow, survived.
The devastation was unimaginable. Eren had very nearly accomplished his goal of destroying everything outside of Paradis. The land was flattened. The stench of the dead was unimaginable. Soon, a plague of insects would descend upon the rot, and ruin the very earth itself. Jean stood and looked out towards the endless flattened expanse for what felt like an eternity, before someone, he didn't know who, led him back to a boat.
The last of the refugees were headed back to Paradis. A home that was still whole.
None of the Eldians needed any medical attention. While they were Pure Titans, their wounds were all healed. Water and rations were passed out. Jean found some dark corner on the ship and tucked himself into it. He mechanically nibbled and sipped, and threw up after each attempt. It was hard to keep his body from uncontrollably shaking. His eyes couldn't focus on anything. Every breath was laborious and manual. He was exhausted, but his body refused to rest.
He'd felt like this before, after pivotal battles, but never anywhere near this severely. This time, he actually felt broken, in an irreparable way. This could be the rest of his life. This might never end.
[I'll bring in Connie later, just starting like this. We could also pass Connie back and forth if you'd like, just have him up for grabs if inspirations strikes anywhere!]
Then, for a short while, he was in hell.
Being a Titan was unexplainable. He was in there, in that cursed body. He was aware. He knew that he was Jean. But despite everything, all that mattered was the hunger. It was a desperation so absolute that his will meant nothing in face of it. He had to consume, and consume, and consume, if he ever hoped to free himself from his nightmare. An impossible appetite that could never be sated, that overtook his very soul.
In the grand scheme of things, it was only a glimpse. Just a fleeting terror. Suddenly, he was back. At first, he was still in the nape of the neck of his Titan. But it quickly deteriorated, and he was able to free himself.
It felt like something had been permanently severed. The curse of the Earth Devil that was carried in the body of every Eldian was gone.
Jean stumbled around like the undead. There was cheering at first, but it was short lived. It became clear almost immediately to every last person alive here that they had seen Armageddon and somehow, survived.
The devastation was unimaginable. Eren had very nearly accomplished his goal of destroying everything outside of Paradis. The land was flattened. The stench of the dead was unimaginable. Soon, a plague of insects would descend upon the rot, and ruin the very earth itself. Jean stood and looked out towards the endless flattened expanse for what felt like an eternity, before someone, he didn't know who, led him back to a boat.
The last of the refugees were headed back to Paradis. A home that was still whole.
None of the Eldians needed any medical attention. While they were Pure Titans, their wounds were all healed. Water and rations were passed out. Jean found some dark corner on the ship and tucked himself into it. He mechanically nibbled and sipped, and threw up after each attempt. It was hard to keep his body from uncontrollably shaking. His eyes couldn't focus on anything. Every breath was laborious and manual. He was exhausted, but his body refused to rest.
He'd felt like this before, after pivotal battles, but never anywhere near this severely. This time, he actually felt broken, in an irreparable way. This could be the rest of his life. This might never end.
[I'll bring in Connie later, just starting like this. We could also pass Connie back and forth if you'd like, just have him up for grabs if inspirations strikes anywhere!]
no subject
Date: 2023-04-16 02:58 am (UTC)These are all things she desires, but has no clue on how to ask for them, much like how Sasha doesn't know how to ask why this all happened. Why Eren isn't the Eren they once knew? How could he live with himself after this destruction of innocent lives, people who had no say in anything and just wanted to live a life free of fear?
Knowing who was behind this devastation... does that make things better or worse? Sasha isn't sure. Not that she knows who to ask these questions to or if she even wants to in the first place.
That familiar face she was seeking earlier comes in the form of Jean. Maybe asking if he wanted company first would be the most polite thing to do, but do any of them really want to talk? Speaking just seems like so much at this point when she knows that the conversation will turn towards the inevitable. So for now, she follows him into his dim corner and collapses next to him, ration biscuits slipping out of her hand onto the floor with a soft clatter.
The noise startles her a bit, just enough that she jumps in her own skin, before glaring down at the packet as if it did something wrong to her. Talk about misdirected anger.
no subject
Date: 2023-04-16 03:16 am (UTC)He was in the stage of nearly drifting off again when Sasha plopped down next to him, and he jolted awake even more dramatically. His blood ran cold, but his skin was burning hot. When he glanced over at Sasha, it took him a minute to recognize her.
A friend. Safety. No complicated emotions. No betrayals. Just Sasha. The pounding of his heart slowly began to subside.
He didn't know exactly what to do at first. The weight of her against him felt good though, so he leaned into it.
"...You're okay?"
None of them were okay, but it felt like something he had to say anyways.
no subject
Date: 2023-04-16 03:38 am (UTC)"Mmm." It's a non-committal response pushed from the bottom of her throat, one that isn't quite a lie. She's still so painfully honest to a fault and Jean has always been one of the few people she could never even think of lying to. So she doesn't, not in words at least. She's not okay, was never okay, and probably won't be okay for a long while, but how does a soldier with her emotional health beat out of her put that into words?
A soldier doesn't. They keep it moving, skip over the parts they can't deal with and find something they can. Sasha snatches the biscuits off the floor and holds them out to Jean, dirty callused hands curled around the wax papered package. This, this she can do.
"Do you want this?"
The first sign that something is wrong is Sasha offering someone else all her food. Not quite half being shared is far more common on regular days, but all of it? Even when she notices the bits of vomit on Jean's side of the corner? That's certainly not from seasickness, but the rations would be wasted on her at this traumatic time.
no subject
Date: 2023-04-16 11:54 pm (UTC)"You don't want it?"
Wow, he actually found the irony in being given food from Sasha. And managed to be an ass about it too. Talk about ingrained personality traits.